B/F: The Drive Thru #40

• Florida Man ... hits record 310.8 mph in street legal Ford — here’s how he did it
• ... Parking Your New Rivian R1T in the Driveway? Florida HOA Says No Way
• ... Tesla on autopilot leads police on chase before driver finally wakes up
• Ohio restaurant employee ... clings to hood of moving car during teens' attempted 'dine and dash'
• Indiana Man ... dressed as Pikachu ran from police on lawn mower, cops say
• Florida Men ... Arrested Driving With ‘Stolen Tag’ Written On Cardboard Plate
• Michigan Man ... Gets Drunk Watching Owls, Poops On His PT Cruiser, Tells Nurses His Blood Is “Pure Natural Ice”
• Washington Woman ... of Suspected DUI Driver Calls 911 on Washington State Patrol
• Florida man ... doing donuts at intersection allegedly hits patrol car before crashing his own: Police
• Florida man ... drove through cemetery, damaged headstones, crashed into house, police say
• Michigan Man ... Rides Cow Across Woodward - Holy Cow!
• Florida Man ... if it fits, it ships
• Maryland Man ... runs out of gas, sets up drum kit to kill time
• US Tourist ... is fined $500 for driving FERRARI into Piazza della Signoria in Florence
• Florida Man ... Will Go Beyond the Meme This April
• Oregon Man ... Throws $100 Bills on Highway, Chaos Ensues
• ONLY IN FLORIDA ... Man spotted riding jet ski motorcycle in Cape Coral
• Florida Man ... SPOTTED DRIVING FORD CROWN VICTORIA CONVERTIBLE
• Florida Man's ... reaction to car crash? Strip down to boxers, flee into swamp
• Florida Tesla Driver ... Crashes Into Another Tesla Due To Road Rage Incident: Total Loss
• Colorado man ... Suspected DUI driver leaps from car, implies dog was driving
• French man ... classic Citroen 2CV car made of wood fetches record price at auction, and it even runs
• French men ... peeing in the streets since late 1800s, Paris wants to change this tradition
• Florida Man ... mistakes bird poop on car for white paint, calls deputies to report ‘crime’
• Los Angeles Thief ... Took a $500,000 Rolls-Royce Phantom on a High-Speed Chase and Escaped
• Nebraska Man ... drives with bull in passenger seat of car
• Indiana man ... arrested for driving Power Wheels Jeep while intoxicated
• Florida Man ... hotwires excavator, crashes it into Walmart
• Florida man ... arrested after trying to cross Atlantic in hamster wheel vessel
• Florida Man ... Goes Full Send, Launches Dodge Challenger Into Canal

[00:00:00] The Drive Thru is GTM’s monthly news episode and is sponsored in part by organizations like HPTEjunkie. com, Hooked on Driving, AmericanMuscle. com, CollectorCarGuide. net, Project Motoring, Garage Style Magazine, and many others. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of the Drive Thru, look no further than www.

gtmotorsports. org. Click about, and then advertising. Thank you again to everyone that supports Gran Touring Motorsports, our podcast, Brake Fix, and all the other services we provide. But now it’s time we go south to Florida to talk about alligators and beer. Alligators drinking beer. That’s right. Beer drowning alligators.

You know what?

I don’t have any Florida men. [00:01:00] What? I don’t got no Florida men, I got other men, but no Florida men. By the way, did you guys see that picture that I sent you? Yeah, that was good. He pulled up next to me in the turn lane, and he was like, Oh, can I get in front of you? I didn’t realize this lane didn’t go straight.

And I was like, yes, whatever. And he pulled up into the middle of the intersection, and I was like, Jesus Christ, of course you are. Whatever. Whatever. Lord, I mean, that’s right. What have you brought us this time? Yes, there’s some nuggets in here. You know what? We’re gonna start up north We’re gonna start in Michigan.

This is a cute one. It’s called. Holy cow, Michigan man rides cow across Woodward Meaning like a street. Oh, no, not Dave Woodward No, no. No, Will the Cowboy and his pet heifer Hope were caught crossing the intersection together on cowback. Wait, who was riding who?

Why did the cow cross the road? To get away from his owner. In fairness, I [00:02:00] believe he works for like a farm that does sort of like petting zoo type stuff, so he was actually trying to train the cow. Heavy petting? To be rideable. I’m, you know, I, I don’t know. Maybe that’s what he was doing. To be what? I missed it.

I love hearing the headlines before I click into the article. This is my new favorite game. Meanwhile in… Other parts of sunny America. In our great state of Nebraska, which we don’t hear very often about, the picture is worth a thousand words. All you gotta do is just look at the picture and you’re good.

Because a dude chopped the roof, opened up the passenger side cockpit area, and put his nine million pound steer In the passenger seat, proceeded to transport it down the road. This is like a Top Gear special, isn’t it? This thing is like a what? Well, like a Lumina? What is this thing? It’s a Ford of some sort.

It’s a Crown Victoria. For the last [00:03:00] place, it says boy and dog. He’s clearly not a boy and a dog. No, he’s got like the matching horns. On the front, too, like Yosemite Sam. This is unreal! But I wanna know what modifications are made to the suspension on that side of the car because that thing is dead flat!

It is not sagging! That bull must weigh more than the car, probably! The, uh, Richard Petty edition. Yeah, it is. You should have painted it blue. Damn, missed opportunity. I love the brush guard to the right of the bull. It looks like something off of a barn or stable or something. This is nuts. I thought that was a ladder, so you could get on top of the bull and ride.

Maybe that comforting to the bull having that. If it was Florida, the vehicle would have been stopped and they would have fled on the bull into the swamp, never to be found again. The cops would have been just befuddled. But I love the title of this. Moving violation. I mean, if there was ever a pun to be had, the best part [00:04:00] is I took the article from clickorlando.

com, baby. Florida’s reporting on it. Florida’s reporting about Nebraska. Go and look at those guys. They’re legit. Hey Nebraska, hold up here. What does that smell like? That’s what I want to know. The bull. Open air. It’s got that farm fresh smell, you know. Maybe it was powered on methane. It’s an alternative fuel vehicle.

Yeah. Suction to the back of the bull. Open butthole, bull! They just opened HOV lanes in Nebraska. This poor farmer was by himself. He needed a plus one. This was his answer. I figured it out. It’s not an HOV lane. It’s a hoove lane. Ha ha ha ha! In Colorado… Oh, The gall of some people. I don’t even know if that’s the right thing to say, but…

Don’t drink and drive. Always at public service now. Please don’t drive under the influence of any type of substance. Suspected DUI driver leaps from car. [00:05:00] Implies the dog was driving. Fido is the one responsible for the car accident. Can you imagine? How am I supposed to be here? The dog ate his homework and drove him to school.

I mean, shit. You know? And he ran. He fled. And guess how far he got? Not very far. 20 yards.

He made it two first downs and then was caught. He sucks. This guy can not run for shit. He, we, I wonder if it was a straight line he was running in. In fairness, he didn’t have a collision, but he was driving. enough under that influence. The dog was responsible. Sorry, the dog that he allowed to drive the car was not well equipped, just like cats.

No opposable thumbs. Did the dog have his learner’s permit? You know, you should have your dog taken away from you. I mean, that’s protecting the dog at that point. I mean, I’m sure there’s somebody in PETA who’s like, this man endangered the [00:06:00] dog. A hundred percent. Dogs are not supposed to operate heavy machinery.

I’m going to. Venture a guess that a dispensary was involved at some point. So that was a little bit of lighthearted humor. So now we can take a trip down South to Florida, man, where this one is, this one’s a public safety announcement. You know, don’t do drugs. We’ve been fighting that war since the Bush administration.

You know, don’t drink and drive. Don’t do drugs and drive. And don’t do so many drugs that you drive through a cemetery mowing down all the tombstones and headstones and then exit the cemetery and drive into somebody’s house. Wasn’t that a scene in like Evil Dead? Like, I feel like this is like a Bruce Campbell film.

Driving a Delta 88 through a cemetery knocking over tombstones. So what? Florida man drove through cemetery, damaged headstones. Crashed into house. Oh, that’s the best part. Was it the undertaker’s house? ? I don’t know. But he cleared the cemetery, [00:07:00] crossed the street, went through a fence, and then into somebody’s house.

And here the owner of the house thought the neighbors were quiet. I wanna know what he was driving. He mowed down some cement blocks. It was a 78 Pontiac Phoenix Liftback. Went through a fence and wasn’t stopped till he went into a house. It was a Kia Telluride, AX4 Pro. You know what it was? That person’s driveway was on his GPS and it said it was a road through the cemetery.

Meanwhile, the NecroComicon was on his back seat, but we’ll leave that for another episode. Meanwhile, he stole that car so it wasn’t even his. We’re going to jump to the other coast, to Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania coast. Does Pennsylvania have a coast? I mean Jersey. Pennsylvania’s coast is Jersey. I meant we’re moving from the western side of the U.

S. to the east coast, of which Pennsylvania is not directly on it, but we’re moving to the eastern [00:08:00] side of the United States. I apologize. Oh my god. What the hell is this? Exactly. Pennsylvania man allegedly crashed his Toyota Corolla into a house intentionally, and he wound up wedged into the second floor of this house.

Ha ha ha! The picture alone, I’m like, there must have been like a ramp when I think there was some sort of berm embankment and he like turned and he shot Dukes of Hazzard and then ended it up in the second floor of this house. Oh, how fast was he going? I don’t know. Why did he do it on purpose? That’s another question that is not unexplained.

Can you imagine being in your bedroom on the second floor and a car comes crashing through the side of the house? No, I mean. Unbelievable. But you know, testament to those Pennsylvania houses. Right. It didn’t collapse. Right. Into the first floor. It’s just hanging there like a [00:09:00] lawn dart. It just like busted a hole in the side of it.

And otherwise it’s fine. Like the gutter is a little bent on the front porch roof. It was like that. Oh, it was. Apparently there are houses that are built hurricane proof and storm proof and whatever proof. Pennsylvania houses are Toyota proof. So there you go. So, last month, we talked about the new Netflix series called Fleur de Mer, and I vowed to you guys that I was going to watch it, and as promised, I did.

I binged it. I watched every episode. Despite the previews that show you the raccoon, aquanet, blowtorch, and all the other stuff that’s going on, it is not what you think it is. It’s not a Florida man putting wagon wheels on a Tesla and driving around. Nope, nope, nope. So, it is definitely a drama. It’s dark.

It’s like a mobster type of thing. So I think Bateman produces it, so he did Ozarks? Correct. And so it has that Ozarks feel to it, right? It is a little gritty at times. [00:10:00] The cast is interesting. Anthony La Paglia plays the father of the Florida man. Some hilarity ensues. There is some stupid stuff that happens.

The most entertaining Florida man esque as we like to report it on this show is with the news reporter and it’s usually in the background of the scene and she’ll be reporting upon like the stuff that we talk about, Florida man goes on golf course and crashes in the telephone pole and 20 miles an hour and blows up his car and an alligator eats him, you know, all that kind of stuff.

And it, and so that’s in the background. And then there is another sort of ancillary character in the show that pops up and it all starts with him trying to bring a gun into Florida and buy a gun and he’s a cop and like all this and he ends up like your typical Florida man that we talk about in these stories he’s like he’s wearing his basketball jersey and he’s got crocs and he’s like beat up and he’s dirty.

And he shows up at one point on a mini bike that he stole that character sort of epitomizes all the things that [00:11:00] we joke about, but it’s not the theme of the show. The show is to your point, Tanya, more like Ozarks, it’s drug running and they’re looking for gold and there’s a mobster involved and like all this kind of stuff, people backstabbing each other.

It’s not bad. It’s actually excellent. I highly recommend watching it. It was a great couple hours of these eight episodes. By all means, watch it. It’s actually quite good, but don’t go into the expectations of it being like we joked about a continuation of my name is Earl because it’s not, it sounds like a Florida man origin story.

It’s sort of click baity in the sense that they called it Florida man to be sort of like tiger King, where you want to jump in there and I’m like, I got to watch Florida, man. They could have called it something else. Like, I don’t want to say it’s like Magnum PI. It’s more like in that genre of. He was a cop and like all this stuff happens to him.

And it’s like a series of unfortunate events. And they’re not that funny. You know, there are things that happen to him. And he’s, [00:12:00] you know, he’s trying to work back from that. You know, a rose by any other name is still the same. But yeah, the Florida man thing gets you. But I recommend you guys got to watch it.

It’s on my list. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. Gotta finish up Love is Blind. Love Island. Is that what you said you’re watching? No. We would be remiss if we didn’t talk about Tesla geek. Poor Tesla. All right. This one doesn’t have a link. It was something I heard on the radio yesterday morning, which was a very bizarre story.

The radio host was talking about his encounter in an Uber recently, a Tesla Uber. So it was a Model 3 and he got to just chatting with the driver like, Oh, electric car. How do you like it? Like I was thinking about getting an EV, blah, blah. Dude’s like, you want to drive my car? And the guy’s like, Uh, no, man, I’m good.

Dude was like, no, you have to drive this car. Like, if you’re interested, you need to. Jets out, makes him get in the driver’s seat. So now he’s driving his own Uber [00:13:00] and then proceeds to be like, okay, they’re driving around, he’s heading home. And then he’s like, Oh, but you really got to open it up. Get on the JFX.

So if you’re from Baltimore local, you’ll understand what that means. He’s like, you know, get on it. And he’s like, no, man, I’m good. No, no, you really got to like, open it up and, and experience it. So you’re like, he said, he accelerated a little bit. And the guy was like, no, get on it. Dude was sitting Telling him to, like, just, you know, go balls on his, like, Tesla to this perfect stranger that, like, got in his backseat that he doesn’t even know.

Dude said he was just, like, freaking out and just finally, like, pulled up to his, like, home and was like, all right, thanks, man. Unreal. He was like, I was so scared. He’s like, what’s the liability if something had happened and I was driving the Uber? Oh my God, that’s ridiculous. So watch out if you’re in Baltimore, getting in an Uber.

You might have to drive your own Uber. You might [00:14:00] have to pay and drive your own Uber. For some reason, I thought you were going to say that the car was stolen. When I think about this entire story, is it really an Uber or is that a rental car? It’s a Toro. What star review do you give? Do you like rate yourself?

My Uber driver was really good. It was me. I got here real quick. I tell you, if that guy gave me the opportunity to drive his car, five star rating and like 50 percent tip, I would have been like, bro, you’re awesome. This is cool. He might’ve been giving you a one star review though. I didn’t know my Tesla could do that.

Look at that drift. I’m telling you, SpaceX conspiracy. You can’t get to work. Yes. Telling you Elon Musk is the devil. Well, there you have it. But speaking of what a Tesla can or cannot do going to California, Mono city, wherever that is. I don’t know. I think recently there’s been some storms. This, that, and the other.

Good for [00:15:00] them, they need water. And this dude was driving down some road, down the full self driving mode. There was a sign, flooded area up ahead. Oh, it’s probably not real, there’s always a flooded sign out there. Okay, there was some water in the road. The full self driving doesn’t know how to interpret that.

So he kept driving. There’s a video of this. It’s pretty funny. Seemingly drives through the initial puddle, which wasn’t too deep. Honestly, as soon as it hits traction again, though, the thing goes like crazy and just like jerks to the left, swerves off the road, dude ends up basically water up to the door, almost to the windows, like in a ditch off the side of the road.

I can’t imagine what that bill is going to be because like the bumper was like hanging off and everything’s wet now. So what’s funny about the picture, that’s the cover photo of the video. Yes. When I first looked at it, I couldn’t tell if that was dirt or alligators. Doesn’t it look [00:16:00] like it was taken gators.

Yes, it does. And the guy’s like blurry and getting out of the passenger seat. It’s not now. He goes through a flash flood, and then ends up in a pond? Like, I mean, what are the chances? First of all, what was he doing? Because the full self driving failed, but you could have tried to take control of the car.

At that point, probably couldn’t, because it was forced the steering wheel or whatever, but like, you could have also anticipated like, using your brain, like, oh, there’s actually standing water up, because you could clearly see it! In the dash cams of the Tesla, the rational person would have maybe hit the brakes and taken it out of full self drive and, you know, cautiously driven through there.

I wonder how much water it took on because of the precise micron of the panel gaps of the doors. And we know how good the seals are on the Tesla 3. A lot of water because these still are made with Home Depot parts. Yeah. Yeah. So it was a kiddie pool inside. Maybe it knew it was going to combust. So it drove into the water to keep.

Yeah. [00:17:00] Funny as that sounds to say, it actually makes my brain kind of spin into a more serious direction to say, what if there was leakage in the battery area and suddenly now he’s got water in there in the containment part, right? This could have turned out really, really poorly for this guy. To Tanya’s point, look ahead, think ahead.

Don’t let the car drive for you because with these EVs, all it takes is one little leak and the next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a serious hazmat and electrical issue. What the hell is full self driving mode? That is autonomous level 27. Remember? That means that you can recline your seat. Go to sleep.

Oh, just kidding. That means that you have to have your hands on the steering wheel, but the car will drive itself better than a human being. So how is this different than autopilot? It’s what they call their autopilot. Oh, I thought they called autopilot autopilot. They keep changing the name. So we think it’s something different.

That’s all. Yeah, because they keep getting in lawsuits for the name of the product. I think I’m on [00:18:00] to something, you know, how the Tesla’s have an issue with the flashing lights and at night, and you know, the autonomous self driving I’ve been watching. My robot vacuum cleaner and how it operates. And I thought to myself, if it shares the same software with a Tesla in any way, in terms of its autonomy and how it drives around, it makes sense why the Teslas are attracted to the flashing lights because it does some crazy stuff.

I’m picturing you sitting in your living room, just studying your robotic. Vacuum clean with the notepad. Oh, you, you joke. No, that is for real. That’s how I can picture it. I can just do it and your wife walking and go, what are you doing? I’m just watching the vacuum cleaner. That makes sense. It’s a behavioral study.

Okay. But some of the things it does, I’m like, huh. Makes sense now. Yeah, I get it.

The hole keeps getting deeper. A driver in Germany apparently had his [00:19:00] license taken away. He was driving a Tesla on the Audubon at 70 miles an hour, which on the Audubon, that’s, that’s nothing. That’s slow. That’s, yeah, it’s a Sunday drive. The kicker here though was that It took 15 minutes for him to pull the vehicle over with the cops around him because he had reclined the seat, tricked the autopilot with a weight on the steering wheel, and was sleeping.

I was just about to say there’s no way this story is false because he wasn’t driving his Tesla. Tesla drives itself. Was it bouncing off of the other police cars? You know what? Given all of the incidents where the Teslas have gotten confused with flashing emergency vehicle and police vehicle lights, it’s a wonder it didn’t crash.

All right, so now we’re going to come back over to the States and we’re going to go to the Midwest, to Ohio, where from the video footage, kind of funny, thankfully they weren’t hurt, but apparently [00:20:00] some youths, 16, 17 year olds, tried to dine and dash from an Ohio Buffalo Wild Wings. And somehow one of the Buffalo Wild Wing employees ended up on the hood of this BMW as they’re speeding away and then eventually crash into like a snow bank.

Is this a Ohio thing? I mean, it’s comical from the video. Like, luckily that guy’s not hurt. But also, it didn’t explain how that guy got on the hood. He jumped or was they attempted to run over him one or the other, right? I’m thinking probably the run over and he had no choice but to strap on and pray.

Why does this look like the mall scene from Back to the Future? Right? It does, right? Totally expecting a Banigan to run out and, you know, like some terrorists or something. Like, what is this? I’ll tell you what, if I was employed by a Buffalo Wild Wings, I would tell them… In the interview process, if someone dines and dash, you can go get your own money.

I’m not jumping on the hood of a car to get your money for a 30 check. You can kiss my [00:21:00] ass. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Let’s go back. Gotta go back in time. Little northwest here and go to Indiana. I don’t think we’ve heard from Indiana before. Nope. We should hear more from Indiana. Indiana man dressed as Pikachu ran from police on lawnmower!

Is he running or is he on a lawnmower? And you know, when you read the article, there are just puns at this time, we believe Pikachu acted alone. No other Pokemon characters were involved in this incident from the police department. However, we are not opposed to catching them all. The police officer wished he had a pokeball in order to help him catch the wild Pikachu.

The deputy attempted to pull the lawnmower over, but the man dressed as Pikachu responded with a shock by flipping off the deputy as he sped away best he could. Police said the, quote, pursuit of lawnmower Pikachu went for a few blocks before the deputy broke off the chase due to the [00:22:00] driving of the lawnmower becoming more erratic and dangerous, even at one point attempting to hit the deputy’s vehicle.

Which high school creative writing class was this submitted for? This article is awesome. It’s got, it touches everything. There’s drama. There’s profanity. Intrigue. There’s intrigue. We need to hear more from the people of the great state of Indiana. They, they got some winners there. You know what? I thought it was going to be light on Florida man.

And at the 11th hour, I was like, let me look again. And. You just Google search for Florida man and see what comes up. Oh, that’s what I always do.

I didn’t know it was a secret. No, I kid you not. I had a meeting at work. Somehow this came up and people didn’t know if you just put Florida man or Florida man stories into Google what it gives you back. Three people in the meeting didn’t know and they did it and their faces like hit the floor. You just do Florida man.

Click news. So it [00:23:00] filters down and you just got headline after headline after. Oh yeah. They were beside themselves. And then the one guy just busted out laughing. I think he got like to the bottom of it and he saw something that got his attention. And he’s like, Oh my God, I didn’t know this was a thing.

And I’m like, what kind of rock have you been living under? I mean, you can do it with it. You can do any state, Maryland man, Texas man, Michigan man, Michigan woman, California woman, you know, do whatever you want. Filter all the news headlines. But the Florida man is always the most entertaining. It’s a special breed, it really is.

And we’ll see that here, I, they got some nuggets, I wasn’t expecting them. We’re gonna go up into the great northwest. I haven’t read any of these, I’m going in blind. For an Oregon man. Oh, in celebration of herb day, we’re going to Oregon. Oregon. Oregano. Well, speaking of things that are green, this dude decided to Wipe out all his family’s bank account, 200, 000, drive down the highway and literally make it rain 100 [00:24:00] hundos out the window.

Of his Hyundai? It was a Chevy Malibu. Obvi, chaos kind of ensued because when people realized there were hundos flying around, everybody was pulling over and like collecting all the money. What possesses a person to do that? He wanted to share his money generously with others. Except you just ripped off your There must be more to that story.

Nonetheless, if you were in Oregon that day on highwayyyyyy Something or other, you might’ve had a little early present there. We’ll call that a tax return. This is like when the beer truck turns over. Yes, exactly. People are scrambling to get cases of beer. When it’s bud light nobody wants it, that’s the problem.

They’re like, I don’t even want to clean this up. There’s a lot of people out there with no taste. It’s half the calories in the same taste, Brad. Like I said, no taste. So let’s go back down to Florida. Apparently in certain areas in Florida, you are prohibited from [00:25:00] parking your pickup truck in your driveway.

Maybe if you’ve got Extended Cab, Big Horn, King’s Ranch, Quadruly, whatever that’s like larger than your driveway sticks out into the street, I could maybe understand. However. This person has a Rivian, like that’s a little baby pickup truck, and it’s so cute, and he’s not allowed to park it in the driveway?

I think he needs to move. This is not exclusive to Florida either. People that live in Maryland are probably very familiar. Montgomery Village has very similar HOA laws, where basically anybody with a pickup truck, you’re not allowed to have it parked in your driveway overnight, you have to park it on the street, because it’s considered, it’s seen as like a contractor vehicle, and they don’t want that type of…

Image, image in their town. But how is the image not there? If it’s parked in front of my house looking like it’s someone who doesn’t belong there and is there to service my house, , usually if somebody’s [00:26:00] there to service your house, they’re not gonna be spending the night, so the truck’s not gonna be there overnight.

You can have it in your driveway during the day, but it, it cannot be there overnight. But I can park my personal vehicle in front of my property overnight, not according to the HOA. So then where the hell do I park my car? There are streets. Designated for parking. This is why suck period. Now, I think an argument could be made that a Rivian is not decreasing the aesthetic appeal of a neighborhood, but no pickup truck.

It’s it’s. Black and white pickup truck, just plain and simple. But whatever a quadruly is… Yes.

That’s the future. That’s Tanya’s truck, which she designs with. That’s what that Ford is called, the Ford F 350 quadruly. This is why I don’t have a pickup truck yet, because they haven’t built the pickup truck that I want. I don’t just want two wheels on the back of each rear, I want four effing wheels.

[00:27:00] Eight wheels in the back. You want an eight wheel Rivian? It’s quadruly. You want four up front, four in the back. That way. It’s business and business. It’s none of this business and party nonsense. It’s just I got a loud mulch to hold. All right. I need my Quad . Quad quadri. That’s the opera male version. The Quadri

I will say that if I owned a hundred thousand dollars Rivian. I’d be parking it in my garage. Right? Well, how is she going to charge it? Are you going to run an extension cord out to your pickup truck in your driveway? So we’re going to stay in Florida. I couldn’t decide who was better, Florida man or the Washington woman.

Oh, boy. But since we’re in Florida, let’s stay in Florida. This reminds me of our early drive thru episodes and the lady that set her boyfriend’s Jeep on fire. With the Wiccans. Yeah, I’m having flashbacks. So Florida [00:28:00] man doing donuts at intersection and allegedly hits patrol car before crashing his own car.

Two questions, cars and coffee, Tesla, Mustang. No, this appears at least by the photo to have been late at night. He was found driving recklessly ahead of this, drove over a raised median, went into a slide. I don’t know. At some point then, I guess. F it, let’s do donuts. In his Chrysler Sebring. It actually says he, he got stopped, and then he reversed, backed into the police car, so he knew it was there.

While he yells out the window, I DRIVE A DODGE STRATOS! I don’t know. I’m thinking he was driving this pickup truck. It’s a Dodge Ram. He rammed it. Yeah. So he hits a patrol car before crashing his own. It’s a little confusing the order of operations. Yeah, wouldn’t hitting the patrol car constitute a crash?

It was rubbing. Because he was driven was racing. I didn’t [00:29:00] even think they said he was under the influence of anything. So go figure. He was under the influence of Florida. He was hooning. It’s called hooning. Well, I think this next one is borderline Florida man story, and it should probably read Georgia man, Tanya.

Carvana sells another stolen car. Here we go again. So, somebody dials in their cell phone. I have a car to sell to you, Carvana. Um, pick it up. Ram 1500. Never been in an accident. Gray color. Oh, we’ll offer you this much for it. Cool, we’ll stop by and pick it up. And in fact, it’s not even your car. Brilliant.

And this is not the first time this has happened. I was wondering about this. Like, how many stolen cars… Are going to end up on something like Carvana where it is like touchless. We have an article on our website. One of our members wrote about buying a car off Carvana from the giant car vending machine and how easy it was.

And you know, they didn’t need to go see anything or do anything. And then they just showed up. But imagine that they [00:30:00] showed up and that Ram 1500 belonged to somebody else. And the police show up right behind it. Those guys that were stealing the cars up in Detroit off of the manufacturer’s storage lots.

And then they’re taking like the Arizona way out west and selling them, forging documents, what have you. The person thought they bought a legitimate car and then a couple months later, knock at the door, we’re taking that car because it’s still, then they’re out that money. It’s like, well, wait, how do I get my cash?

Sorry, you’re shit out of luck. It’s like, well, wait a minute. I gave this dude 80 grand for this car and what, and you’re telling me I can’t, I mean, how’s that right? They titled it everything through the state. Should the state be at fault here because they didn’t catch it? It’s like, how is it my fault?

You know, everything looked legit. The state didn’t catch it. The government did not catch it where it’s set up to supposedly catch this kind of stuff. Now I’m out that money. That guy’s owed a car at the end of the day. That’s what he is. Yeah, I’d be livid. And here’s the other thing on a side notice. I don’t care where the car’s at and I’m buying something.

I’m gonna go look at the thing before I turn over my [00:31:00] money. I’m gonna put my hands on the fucking thing. It’s as sketchy as those. I hate to equate them to the Nigerian Prince emails, you know, spam that we used to get, but you do get those like offers and we had a guy sell a Porsche from someone that emailed him.

I’m in Germany and I’m going to arrange for the pickup and I’m like, Oh my God, you fell for that scam. Like you did it. And he goes, man, I went through the, I got paid, I got cash, the car disappeared. I’m like, wow. I mean, all I could say was just, wow, like you did it because those to me have always been super sketchy and super scammy.

And I kind of view. In a way, the Carvana is the same thing because you’re so disconnected from the process. Not that I enjoy going to a used car lot or going to a dealership and going through that rigmarole. So there’s got to be a happy medium between the two, but to be totally disconnected like this.

Yeah, but it’s fraud on the part of the thieves because they actually circumvented the VIN number. They had fake VIN numbers that they replaced on the car. So, you know, you have to supply the VIN number and the title. That gets checked through the DMV system. If you provided [00:32:00] fraudulent information that does match some RAM somewhere, who’s catching that?

Even if you rolled up to the dealer, they’re going to go, Oh, unless they’re astute enough to go, let me cross check another place on the vehicle where the VIN is, and then realize, Oh, these don’t match. There’s something wrong here, right? That’s why BMW puts a VIN on everything. Every panel on the car has a VIN number on it.

Well, again, it boils down to just doing due diligence in regards to checking everything and just not taking someone’s word for it. Brad, Tonya, and I joked about the possibility with respect to, you know, color changing cars and what if they did this and what if they did that? And then comes along, that’ll be the part of another Florida man story here in the future.

A digitized license plate? Okay, I’m gonna ask you very matter of factly, why? Yeah, why? That’s the reason, why? And that’s asked, why would you want one? I’ve been trying to find the answer to that in the article and I don’t see [00:33:00] a good answer. The biggest reason is most likely aesthetics. Really? Why do I care, but also, am I really willing to pay like 700 for this plate plus a yearly subscription fee to have it?

My metal plate’s not costing me anything. What happens when that digital plate shorts out and a couple digits are missing and you get pulled over? You get a waiver for that, right? And you got to take it to an electrical engineer. Can someone hack into it? Like, how is that working? Is it like Bluetooth, Wi Fi?

Although… The benefit of that would be like your car gets stolen and you like change it to say stolen until somebody rips the tag off. But you know, help me. Anybody remember the transporter movie? The first one, he goes into the locker and he’s got this revolving thing, metal license plates. What did it take?

Two screws, change the license plate. Good to go. Yes, I know. I know. And I can rip it off with your hand. But here’s the thing from an [00:34:00] aesthetics perspective, this falls right in line with the completely led. Programmable dashboards like we’ve seen in the Mustang, like we’ve seen in the Volkswagens, and some of the other cars where they’re like, you want it to look like a 1938 Beetle?

You can have the stereo look like that, or you can have the dash look like that. But if it’s e ink screen, isn’t it just going to look like a Kindle? But for the pictures, it looked like it was actually color. It was black and white in the picture. It’s That’s because it’s in Texas mode. But think about this.

You could use this digital plate to bring back retro plates that don’t exist anymore. Like the old Maryland plate or the old Delaware plates or the old California plates or even some of the specialty plates. Granted, if you’re going to be able to change it like a watch face, you know, from your Apple iPhone.

Yeah, no. They’re not going to do that, or how can they do that, right? Is that still going to be subscription based? Because the whole point of those specialty tags was, allegedly, the funds that you’re paying a year. Because if [00:35:00] you get those tags today as a metal plate, you have to pay for them yearly. But that money is supposed to, I don’t know what proportion of it, is supposed to go to whatever the fund is.

So like, save the bay plates. Your money is going to go. To save the bay, allegedly agriculture tags. Those are, I think, supposed to go to whatever agriculture industry is taking those funds. I don’t know. So how do you do that? If you’re able to switch your, it makes, it almost makes that obsolete. It does, but also super easy for you to change the style of your plate.

Because this is what we need. We need some twit in their basement to make a dick, but license plate.

But we know a few people that would actually put those on their car. So there’s an ask for every seat. Daddy, what’s that? Yeah, it ends poorly for everybody. I almost passed this one up because the headline said Florida men arrested driving with quote stolen tag written on [00:36:00] cardboard plate. And I just glossed over.

I was like, okay, Florida men arrested driving with a stolen tag. Yeah. And big deal. No, no, no. You read on. It was a piece of cardboard covering the license plate of this pickup truck with the word STOLEN TAG written on the cardboard.

Are you kidding me? This belongs in, what was that? Do they still do that in World’s Dumbest Criminals or whatever that was? Stupidest Criminals file? Like, really? Why don’t you just, like, spray paint on the side of the car? Pull me over. And then the best part is, so they get pulled over, dash cam on the cop car is recording everything, right?

And there’s two people in the car, so the guy trying to get out the passenger falls out onto the ground. Another day, wherever. Them people in Florida, they be different. They just do things differently. But I think we need to talk about stale baguettes and brie. Well, I put this one in just for you. [00:37:00] Oh, did you?

So this guy did started this already, like several years ago. He’s a carpenter. He’s a cabinetmaker. Oh, And he built a 2CV out of wood. No, is this like that other guy that builds like Ferraris? It runs because he put the motor from another 2CV in it and he sold it for 224, 000. 1, 000. How slow is it? It’s got a way more than the real thing.

It gets up to 50 miles an hour. Lies. Isn’t that what the real one does? Off a cliff like those cars in Alaska that they’ve been throwing off the side of the mountain every year. No way it gets to 50. Allegedly. Honestly, this is how the original 2CV should have been built. It should have been wood. Well, it would have been biodegradable that way.

The termites would have gotten to it. It would have been amazing. I don’t know. It alleges capable of hitting 50. Now you can read into lies, lies, but he’s a very young looking 74 year old. I will give him that. [00:38:00] Listen to this. He looks like Charles Manson. He whittled it. From one piece of wood. Yeah, he was in jail.

You know, he willed it out of The main body is made from apple and pear fruit trees. The front and back are walnut. The base for the doors and trunk are cherry wood. Wow. That is an expensive vehicle. Does it run on moths? It took him 5, 000 hours. And over five years to build who’s going to do the math 5, 000 hours divided by 250, 000.

224, 224. What does that come out to? 44 an hour, 44. Well, 224, 000 divided by 5, 000. That does not seem hardly worth it. I feel like that’s not. Very profitable for the amount of time he put into it. He would have spent less time just restoring a 2CV. It was a labor of love, I guess, of [00:39:00] passion. He was putting his carpentry skills to use.

I’m not going to begin to try and understand why. So the bigger question is, how many times did he piss in the corner of his garage? Probably many, because… He used it to soften the wood.

It’s seasoned. Why does my car smell like piss? Because it’s French. Apparently, this is a thing in France. And I was warned about this, that guys will just randomly pee while they’re on the street. I didn’t believe it until I saw it myself. And then you sort of like started to ignore it. You became desensitized to it.

Except. For this personal Frenchman story that I have to share with you guys, I’m walking down the road with Ty. We’re coming back from David’s campsite. So imagine we have a 45 minute walk ahead of us. We’re going down minding our own business, dimly lit sidewalks and whatever. And these two fine French gentlemen decide that they’re going to hide themselves.

By standing next to the only light pole on the street, facing away from each other, because they didn’t want to see each [00:40:00] other peeing, but facing the people that were walking on the sidewalk as they urinated in public. And it’s like, are you serious? I mean, I understand that there aren’t very many Portajohnies and stuff.

They were lacking in a lot of things, trash cans and other things around there. But I’m just like, This is unreal. And the worst part is there’s the streetlight right there. They’re obviously inebriated, but there was a fence, like, I don’t know, 12 feet to the side of where they were standing. They could have gone to the fence.

Nope. We’re going to hide ourselves because nobody can see us if we stand. By the label. Wow. And then in the article here, or in the little snippet, it says public urination is a problem in most big cities. That’s why I will never live in a big city. So I didn’t actually post that as a Florida man type subject.

It’s actually like an investigative news reporting on why this is so prevalent in France. It’s for real. So is she telling [00:41:00] you and they show you everywhere where there’s just urine running down a sidewalk and they’re interviewing people that are like so disgusting and they’re talking about how they’ve been trying to like fix this situation that’s been going on since like 18 something.

I don’t think it’s going to change and people were saying, well, where’d you get that picture of the guy in the hat? And I’m like, I took that picture. I have the original, I zoomed in on him. He didn’t see me taking his picture, but I could not pass up the opportunity to have a Burt Reynolds SNL jeopardy moment.

But it looks like, what’s his name from Top Gear? James May. Yes. It does look like James May. But that hat was Burt Reynolds big hat. Like, it was so funny. And he had an all red Ferrari suit. He’s a British guy. We actually talked to him. Very nice. But I could not pass up the opportunity. To post that meme.

And the second one came by way of Mark Schenck, who caught this guy while he was taking [00:42:00] photographs. Apparently on your checklist of things for Lamont, you need to remember your hat. Your radio headset and your radar gun. He’s got like a hundred tattoos and they’re all LeMans. They’re all Christopher Walken.

No, he’s got like the Dunlop tire arch across his back. It’s like Jackie Ickx and Tom Christensen on there. It’s like he’s got Porsche and the Porsche symbol. He’s got so many men’s heads. I thought it was Christopher Walken. The one on the right shoulder looks like Christopher Walken. So when Mark showed me this picture, we had this whole discussion about apparently he was down by pit out and he’s radar gunning the cars on pit exit.

And we’re like, is he going to radio the officials? Is he like the clandestine undercover pit Marshall? Like what’s the point of bringing a radar gun? So Lamont and how do you get it through security? I mean, there’s so many, this is like a French Florida man. He hit it in his butt crack. Was there actually security?

Were they checking stuff? Yes. They were looking through your bags. [00:43:00] Maybe he’s an authorized radar gun. He definitely didn’t hide it in his wife. Peter is that is hey, it’s tie dye though. Okay. That makes it classy. Is that tie dye, or he’s just, he had a Bic that blew up on Hoofords? Murdered a Smurf, I’m not sure.

Now, I’d say this guy was from America, but unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case. Nope. I think he’s German. I was gonna say the same thing! He’s definitely German. We’re gonna do a little lit hug. You gotta love it when it starts with, Only in Florida. Yeah! Man spotted riding jet ski motorcycle in Cape Corral.

Go ahead and click that link and check the picture out. He is literally on a jet ski converted to a motorcycle. What the hell is

Why, why is this a problem? Well, apparently the police would offer that it probably is illegal, not having a license [00:44:00] plate, not having headlights, not having a rear view mirror. So jet skis have headlights. You can have a headlight. Well, we don’t know if this one has a headlight. It’s probably as safe as if it was a regular motorcycle.

It’s amphibious. He did the Top Gear challenge and made an amphibious vehicle. He built this himself. I gave him props and him and his, his purple backpack. I can imagine how this chase scene should have played out. All he had to do was find a boat ramp. He’d be gone. Well, not even that wrap the throttle, bang a heart rate and go off into the swamp.

Yes. This guy’s got it figured out. This is the ultimate escape vehicle for Florida. Wow. You know what? He could be onto something. He truly needs to make them amphibious and he could be onto something. He could have a business. I love the detail that was put into this. Do you see the exhaust tip, how it comes out [00:45:00] the back of like that fairing back there?

It’s just, he spent a lot of time making this work. This is amazing. It’s that Florida man ingenuity. I love the backpack and the matching hat. He’s going off to school riding his jet ski. I mean, he had a jet ski and he had a motorcycle and he had one too many joints. Let’s put them together. No, he was talking to some friends and God knows what they said.

He goes, hold my beer. And then this came out. Oh my God. So he had a jet ski that he needed to transport. But he only had a motorcycle. So he said, all right, well, if I got to move my jet ski and I got a motorcycle, I’m going to move them both at the same time. Hold my beer. Hold my beer. Oh, Lord. A man was arrested after trying to cross the Atlantic ocean to get to merry old England in a hamster wheel vessel.

So imagine the hamster wheel with, like, pontoon balloons inside of it, and this little metal cage, and he was gonna get across the rough and wild Atlantic, and he was gonna make it all the [00:46:00] way over the pond to England. Why? Unbelievable! So somebody tested this. They thought this was a good idea. It probably works.

But can you imagine? Forrest Gumping the whole way across the Atlantic in a hamster wheel, like out of Wacky Races, like, this is unbelievable. I don’t know what drugs this person also was on. Have to be on some. And when a balloon pops, then what happens? When they all pop and you just… sink in your steel cage.

Because there’s nothing watertight about this. No. Clearly not playing with the full deck here, right? Because he refused to step off his vessel, and threatened to kill himself, saying he had a bomb on board. He was in international waters, he did not have to step off at that point. Was he cited with maritime law?

How does this work? Is he considered a vessel? Does he have a call sign? The hamster wheel? This is the HMS Dumbass? This is meth in action [00:47:00] again. Coming to Brick Trailer next week. How far did he make it? He was found drifting. Not running. 30 miles. 30 miles. Jeez. South of New York. So already going the wrong way, headed back to Florida.

Wait, this isn’t the First time he’s tried to do this. No, no. They found him 70 miles somewhere, Georgia, but in 2021, he was arrested and was rescued, tried to go from Florida to New York and was found adrift 30 miles South of his departure point. So he didn’t make it very far from Florida. Give him enough time and he’ll invent a submarine next.

He tried it a time before in 2014. This was the third try. They say three times. Charm, right? I mean, here we are. Took him ten years to build this balloon contraption. Nope, still hasn’t gotten it. I think Darwin had a theory on him. Except it didn’t pan out. I guess next he’ll do, like, the Up movie and he’ll just tie the balloons to his house and float over to England.

When he gets there, he’s got a place to live! This is also a testament to our [00:48:00] educational system in this country because… Clearly, no understanding of oceans, roughness, it’s whatever you want to call it, but also the temperature. Like, the Atlantic is effing cold, and you’re in this, like, exposed open air, like, how do you think, nevermind, and geography, because clearly you don’t know how far away English is.

This is awesome. But speaking of Florida Man Ingenuity, take a look at this next one and let me know. Would you buy this Ford Crown Victoria convertible? Now I look at this in the second picture. He’s got a smirk shit eating grin. I love it He’s like, I know what I got. No lowballs. I know what I got Why is the air filter routed with like a 5 inch PVC pipe?

Oh from the front of the hood up to the dashboard. This vehicle too can go in water So therefore if you look at it He made it look like a boat. It has a boat windshield [00:49:00] and that’s a snorkel so that when he goes in the water, he doesn’t suck water into the motor. God damn. You’re right. My favorite part is the temp tag.

He just registered this vehicle. Better than the shit eating grin. Better than obviously. All lack of safety on this. Cause if you look at the seatbelt mounts, it’s covered with foam, right? I don’t even know how that’s bolted. I would argue that the jet ski motorcycle is safer than this. All of this is absolutely amazing because it is almost ready for a lemons race.

And at first I thought, maybe, maybe just, maybe this is a lemons car. You’re right, actually. So it is part of the Gambler 500, Florida, which is like an off road rally, blah, blah, blah, two, three, four day challenge. And basically, yes, it’s like off roading lemons. But, did you scroll down to the picture where he has his shit eating grin on his [00:50:00] face?

Did you look at the logo? Heh heh heh heh heh! That palm tree’s got boobs! Heh heh heh heh! That or truck nuts, I haven’t figured out which yet. And I love the fact that it’s pissing rain on him. I

mean, everything about this is awesome. Okay. And there’s a water theme here. I’m gonna die. Like, my stomach hurts. Like, this is gonna, it can’t get any worse. Oh, it gets better. 23 year old man in his Nissan Sentra. Cross the center line, collided with a semi truck, so it had an accident. First thought, you have an accident, get naked, get naked and run into the swamp.

Because I’m going to be less noticeable naked going through a swamp. I’m going to be less noticeable as gator food. While he was looking for the jet ski motorcycles, if you get away. I think that’s like step one in the Florida man handbook. Step one, no matter [00:51:00] what you did, step one, get naked. Cause you got, you got to reduce the drag and save some weight so you can run faster.

Simplify and add lightness. Simplify and add nudity. Lord of man motto. Harlan Chapman had it right. This guy is brave. Brave? Brave is the word

you use? that, particular adjective to describe this guy. The other ones were taken, but… Rave, I say, because he got naked and jumped into a swamp at 8 30 p. m. Ooooooh. You can’t see what shit’s out there? What, swamp things there to eat you? Oh, that’s He got He got in so deep, apparently he was happy when the cops found him.

Cause he wanted to get the f out of there. Burning Ming Scary Swamp Land. Is it in the water? Is it something about when the water evaporates and goes into the air that people just go crazy in Florida? You know, [00:52:00] they say it’s because of the water that New York bagels are so good. So I could see something down in Florida causing all these people doing shit like that.

It’s from all the drug running in the eighties. There’s so much cocaine in the water. It’s just everywhere. It’s like that cocaine bear thing. Oh my God. They should just rename Florida. Okay. It was Cougar town now. Now cocaine town. Ooh, well, we had some California man’s during car week, as you would expect car weeks, a little bit more upscale than just cars and coffee.

Although there are some cars and coffee. I went to one sponsored by the Ferrari club. It was fantastic, included wine and hors d’oeuvres and all sorts of other fun stuff. Not like any cars and coffee that we have here on the East coast running up and down highway one Oh one between the different areas of Monterey.

The California highway patrol or the chips got tipped off. Uh, I don’t know what the tip off was. It was car week. We all do that. They pulled [00:53:00] over 154 speeders during the course of car week only. How many of them were in an Alexis LX 600? Not going to say we didn’t open the taps on the Lexus a couple of times.

It will allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly, that’s a lot of people though. It is. But to Tanya’s point, it also seems awful low considering the thousands of people that are participating in car week. This actually brings up a good question. 154 people at Monterey car week. This is over the course of the entire event.

I’m guessing, or they don’t really, they’re really good at detail. Do they catch more people here? Or more people at H2O. Ooh. Because H2O isn’t just speeding though. Yeah. So are more people ticketed at Monterey or H2O? I’m going to guess H2O. People don’t do things by halves in LA, do they? So this thief, he stole a car from one of the posh areas of LA, but it wasn’t any car.

He stole a Rolls Royce Phantom and took [00:54:00] the finest LA PD, and I’m assuming maybe some chips, on a high speed chase through LA. So he’s rolling in his, uh, phantom, giving the police a run for his money. This was on the Robb Report. How fast do these go? They’re like the length of a school bus. They can’t handle that well.

He probably couldn’t hear the police. He had that 27 inch suitcase TV going. Well, his chauffeur was actually stealing the car and he rode in the back. Yeah. But he got away with it. That’s the best part. How did he lose the cops? How did he get away with stealing the car? That’s insane. They didn’t catch him?

According to this. They did not. The savvy thief took advantage of the buffer they were given as the chase progressed deeper into downtown. Damn traffic. They eventually pulled into a parking garage near the L. A. Grand Hotel, and with the vehicle no longer visible, the police were forced to stand down while a department helicopter hovering above tried to figure out what was going on.

When they finally returned to the structure, the vehicle was discovered, but the driver was nowhere to be seen. Classic TV shit right there. Just like a scene from Gran Turismo. It’s like [00:55:00] something off the blacklist. So this Florida people article is just stupidity at its absolute finest and could happen anywhere.

And it’s worth watching this video because this was so avoidable. And then the poor person whose Tesla was catching all of this with the cameras that were recording was innocent. And the video is taken from this poor Tesla’s vantage point. So dumb on so many levels. Inability to zipper merge. Impatience.

Not paying attention, distracted driving, raging, to rear end two cars. And not like you rear end one that rear ends the other. No, you, like, simultaneously manage to rear end two cars at once. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! And it’s almost like the second Tesla that’s doing the rear ending. Was like accelerating through it.

Like I don’t think the person ever hit the [00:56:00] brakes. That’s Tesla on Tesla crime right there. I feel bad for the white Tesla. It did nothing wrong except be present. What a mess. But also I like the Lexus or whatever it was. I was like, okay, first of all. Try to duck out of the way. If you’re gonna swerve off the shoulder to avoid rear end, like, get the hell onto the shoulder, not, like, stay, like, a quarter on in lane, because you wouldn’t have gotten rear ended, and you would have plowed straight into the other Tesla.

How much does this crash cost? That’s 100, 000 of damage done right there. Those are totaled, probably. 100%. I mean, the white one’s probably totaled. Well, the red one, too, with the front end collision, the airbags went off, for sure. Yeah, they’re both of them, the red one, too, probably. The frunk popped open.

Whoever that was, a lot of clothes in that front. Yeah, I noticed her shoes. She was living in her car. She couldn’t afford a house anymore. She’s living in her car. But anyway, not really funny. More public service announcement. I don’t know if it’s as good as casting a spell on your boyfriend’s car and lighting it on fire with candles, but [00:57:00] passenger of suspected DUI driver calls 9 1 1 on the Washington State Patrol.

Wait, what? The driver argued her constitutional rights were being violated by the pursuit. So a drunk driver is driving a car and they’re being pursued by the state patrol. And they called the police on the police that their constitutional rights were being violated. That’s a bold strategy. Like they’re, they’re calling to say they’re being harassed by the police.

But they call the police. You’re driving illegally. How do you know that? You don’t know that I’m drunk. I may be driving on the wrong side of the road sideways with a kid hanging out the back, but you don’t know that I’m drunk. It’s like that tater salad joke, right? I wasn’t drunk in public until you put me there.

I want to hear the 911 recording of that. Like, it’s gotta be [00:58:00] absolutely insane. It’s got to be because the person was in an F 150 doing like over a hundred miles an hour. They can go that fast? Apparently. We’ve been in and out and stuff, and this is like at midnight 30 and then the other passengers. Call the cops on the cops because they thought the law had changed that the cops can’t pursue you anymore in high speed.

9 1 1 what’s your emergency? Yes I’m being followed. My driver’s uh under the influence he’s had a couple 10 beers and uh the cops are after us. What is this like the sound rules? Uh, you can’t make noise after 10 o’clock and the cops can’t chase you after 80 miles an hour. Like what the hell is that?

Well, there has been some of that, right? Yeah, the police aren’t allowed. In some cases, they’re not allowed to enter into a high speed chase. They should really back off because all it does is endanger the officers and other people if they go on these crazy high speed pursuits. But there’s caveats to this.

It’s like when we know you’re driving drunk, we follow you. [00:59:00] It’s like need for speed hot pursuit. You don’t get a free pass. We deploy the spike strips on you. You know what I learned from this article? When you said the truck did a hundred miles an hour, it proves a very important point that sometimes.

You need to haul lumber and haul ass, truck life. Ass, gas, or grass. Don’t be that person either, public safety announcement. About the dangers of drug, okay? Which from the guy’s photo, it’s obvious he was on meth, and he was found under the influence of meth and marijuana, and what this can do to you as a 51 year old man is think that you can get inside a Power Wheels Jeep and then drive down the road at night.

And it sounds like at first he was pulled over because the power wheels didn’t have lights or reflectors. So he might have been able to get away with this shit if he had just had some basic safety features on this power wheels. You’ve got to be kidding me. Public safety announcement. This is your brain.

This is your brain on drugs. He [01:00:00] must not weigh a lot, which he probably doesn’t given the math. I was gonna say, as an adult, have you ever tried to ride a Power Wheels? Like, they will not move. Even the converted, like, 18 and 36 volt ones won’t move. I wonder if this was a foot chase. Or if they pursued them in the trooper mobile, you know?

Fall over! Can you imagine the commotion this caused while some guys in a barbie pink jeep were going down the road? Riding and driving a ditch. Oh boy. Because Florida is not going to be outdone ever. Florida man hotwires excavator and then crashes it into Walmart. Because what else would you do with it?

What else would you do with an excavator when you’ve stolen it and hotwired it? You’d crash it on a Monday night into Walmart. Crashed it into the automotive service center, apparently. He wanted to do an oil change. He was conscientious. The lights were out on the excavator, so he was going to replace the bulbs.

And the blinker fluid. This is bizarre. You know, it’s a light month this month. It was hard to find anything that [01:01:00] was… Car adjacent or even mildly appropriate to Florida. So it really wasn’t a light month for Florida, but it’s a light month for us on Florida news, but they never completely fail to deliver as one gentleman recently delivered his car.

Not only delivered, launched his Dodge Challenger into a canal. Yeah, he got some good air. The initial little graphic that’s circling, little video clip at the beginning doesn’t do it justice because there’s the balcony that we’re seeing this off of is some lady’s security camera, bless her heart, captured the whole thing.

And there’s like three minutes of recording and you actually see what instigated this. Because in the background you see that Mercedes slowly creeping by. These two MFers were actually racing through the neighborhood. The Challenger didn’t make the turn, the Mercedes did, and then really slowed down to watch the ensuing calamity.

But dude didn’t make the turn, went up on the curb, got [01:02:00] airborne, basically shot off and down into the canal and he’s sitting there like floating. I don’t, he wouldn’t get out of the car, I don’t know why, and eventually he turned the

And all these people are like coming out of the woodworks to like help. And then eventually one dude just finally jumps in to like drag him out of the car. Don’t know why he wouldn’t get out. And then like literally right as he does that, like the whole thing like starts like going down. That was impressive how long it floated for.

Surprising. Yeah. And what’s hilarious about the race part, he didn’t make the turn, but he’s on the same Paleozoic era Mercedes chassis that the Mercedes is on. So you would think. They would be equally matched in that respect, but it does looks like something straight out of Duke’s a hazard. I mean, wow.

God, I love Florida. It’s always good for something. I’ll make a nice alligator home now on the canal. And how do you explain that one to your insurance company? I swerved to avoid an alligator, and I ended up over the curb and into the canal. Well, at first I thought maybe he listened to last month about the guy in the Corolla that [01:03:00] launched his car into the second floor of a Pennsylvania home.

Maybe he was trying to reenact that. Well, this is just a kind of a cute one. This Polk County man called Sheriff’s Office to report a crime because he goes out to his black Jeep Cherokee that’s covered in all this white paint. side of the door is covered in all this white paint. So the sheriff comes out to investigate, and it was bird poop.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! But I will say from the photo, that the bird must’ve like, downward dogged at the side of the car, because the spray… is quite extensive. Was it a pterodactyl? I don’t know, in Florida maybe it was like some sort of heron? I don’t know. Albatross. I mean, I mean, that is a lot of bird poop.

Oh, there’s a swarm of them and they all, maybe it was like a goose or a swan. No, goose, they had that little green poop. This one had diarrhea. Okay. [01:04:00] It was an emu. And bird poop is terrible for your paint. Can you imagine? Then you have this big stain on the side of your car that won’t come out. Oh, I’m going to wash my car next time it rains.

Obviously, it wasn’t there one minute, and then it was there the next for him to call the police, right? So… Jellicoe says, the culprit was Avion. I’ve been vandalized! By an eagle! She enticed me. Uh, the substance was what birds tend to do. Or do. Ah! Ah! Ah! Get it? That’s a bad dad joke. I save. The best for last.

Oh, boy. Okay, just listen. Don’t click the link yet. It gets better than this. No, no, don’t click the link yet. Let me, let me take you on this journey. We go to Michigan. Here’s the headline. Michigan man gets drunk watching owls poops on his PT cruiser. Tells nurses his blood is pure natural ice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[01:05:00] What?

We must pass this one up too. Oh! How many articles is this? I want to unpack this a little bit. So he was watching Owls. So is the comma in the wrong place? Was he watching owls poop on his PT Cruiser, or was he pooping on his PT Cruiser? As the officers were doing sobriety tests on the man, the natty ice apparently hit him pretty hard, and according to the report, he dropped his pants and began taking a dump on the bumper of his car.

On the dumper of his car? He severely improved the aesthetic of the PT Cruiser. So when he got to the hospital and the nurses were going to take blood for more of the sobriety test work, he told them it’s all beer. Not going to lie to you. Pure, natural ice.[01:06:00]

The bigger question is, how much Natty Bow do you have to drink to get that stupid? I think if you’re drinking Natty Bow, you start it out stupid. You’re in the Gordneck State Game Area in Kalamazoo County, Michigan, with your PT Cruiser. Listening to owls with a couple cans and yaddy bows, yaddy eyes. What the hell does the owls have to do?

He was in the he was

watching! The He was watching owls! He was owl watching! At night! Oh my god. Do you guys remember, like, season one drive thru? There was a terrorist group out of Michigan that used PT Cruiser. Do you think this guy belongs to that? He’s the mastermind. I love the picture of the owl that’s like the headline picture.

The owl is just like, what the fuck? Owls are always like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah, but [01:07:00] he just watched a grown ass man shit on his car. I bet he said to the owl, let me show you how it’s done. Here, hold my beer. I wonder if that’s what he said to the cop, hold my beer a second, I gotta take a piss.

The police asked him what scale he was, 1 to 10. He said I’m at a 5, I’ll be honest, I’m drunk.

Natty Bo really get to you. But you know what? We’ve had Canadians in our Florida Man stories before. We don’t have any this time, and that’s fine. I looked. I tried. I couldn’t find. I tried to find better content, but actually, it was very disturbing, the content that was coming up. There was a lot of road rage going on and other very negative things, so there wasn’t anything good, unfortunately.

But you know what we’ve never seen in a Florida Man segment? We never see Danish man. It doesn’t happen. Denmark. Because I think the search would have to be Danish man bicycling or something. Well, I mean, [01:08:00] that goes along with that guy who was complaining about the EV that he bought and he’s charging in a 110 and he realized it was going to take a week to charge it.

Let me rig up some nine volts, string them together and try to turn my blow dryer on. Okay. Like

Dry my hair faster. Just lazy Eric is officially done.

Brad’s just like, no, we keep going. I need more Florida, man. More than you can afford pal.[01:09:00]

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